No comment.

I never thought I would put myself into this position. Never thought I would become what I did. Be who I was. Be so lost I didn't think for myself anymore. That I let people talk down on me. Be something completely different that I knew I wasn't. But as I walked through my living room that was me. Nothing but a complete mess. Something my closest family member wouldn't have recognized. That scared me more than anything.

But there I was. Digging through drawers trying to find something to help me out. Something to get rid of the pain. Something to make me feel better. Something. Anything.

Always go through and turn out the lights.' I thought to myself as I made my way through my living room hitting the light switches. 'Never leave them on, no matter what.' I always figured if I turn out the lights running the air conditioner as much as I do that it wouldn't be as expensive. I was usually wrong, though, but at least I tried, right?

When I grabbed the last chain for the last light my mind went blank and I stood there. Frozen. I felt a tear fall down my cheek that I tried to keep from falling. I was so sick of crying. But the more I tried, the more that followed behind it. Trailing down my cheek until it hit the carpet. At the time I felt like I was swimming in tears, that my carpet wasn't your normal carpet. It was made of tears.

Walking by the kitchen table I trailed my fingers along the side of it. 'Not a speck of dust,' I thought as I began thinking back on my life. Then I dropped to the floor and sat there. A corner to myself. That's how I had been feeling the last few days any way. Like I lived in a corner. A dark dusty corner all by myself.

As the tears continued to fall down my cheek I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. As I held the knife in my hands I thought about everything. Everybody. I actually felt my eyes roll back into the back of my head. I thought about why I should, or should not do it. Why I should keep living.

Nothing seemed like a good thing to live for.

Love until later.