Gosh! She lost a lot of weight!!!

I'm so tired.

Not in the exhausted way, well, I am that too, but I'm tired. I'm tired of taking a shower and having to rest when I get dressed because I wore myself out. I'm tired of not being able to keep up with people in Wal-Mart because I have to pace myself. I'm tired of worrying myself into a worry coma every time I go to the emergency room that they are going to tell me I have high blood pressure.

I am tired of worrying. I'm tired of getting the funny looks. I'm tired of people saying "gosh, I remember when you were small." I don't. I don't think I've ever been small. I just cannot think back far enough to know. To know what I looked like smaller. To know what it feels like to walk in a place and you're not the topic of the conversation. That the people I go to the store with doesn't get mad because people laugh at me.

I want to start over. I want to pull it off and get to the weight I want to be. I want to be able to walk in a store and buy any clothes I want and be able to say "yes, I know this shirt makes me look good."

But I think the question is "do I have the will power?" Do I have what it takes? I don't know. I cannot answer you that. I've tried. Many, many times before and failed miserably. If I try again, what makes me think I can do it.

I talk about it all the time. I tell people how miserable I am and if I pulled the weight off I'd be happier. But it's all talk. It's all thought. Dreams.

I need help. Some serious GET DOWN TO IT AND DO IT BARBARA help.

*sighs*

Love until later.

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Comment by Flute Muse on July 24, 2009 at 9:06pm: Wow. What a great resource Diamond. Thank you!

Comment by AnGella on July 21, 2009 at 5:28pm: You are so right Diamond! Thanks for all the tips!

Comment by Diamond on July 21, 2009 at 9:10am: I felt the same way for a long time and finally I decided to get tough with myself and do something about it a few months ago. You need to find something that motivates you and create goals for yourself. For example, after I lose 20 lbs I'm going to celebrate and go out partying with friends, 30 lbs I'll buy those pair of jeans I dreamt of fitting in, etc etc til you reach your ultimate goal. Find a buddy who wants to lose weight like you and workout together if you don't want to do a gym there are some great exercise videos even I could recommend. Above all lower your calorie intake...if dieting is hard like it is for me and you have difficulty eating healthier then keep a count on your calorie intake. Make sure you don't go over the needed calories you need in a day. I have a program on my itouch where I log in everything I eat and drink and it calculates how many calories, fat, protein etc I've eaten so I can watch how much I eat/drink a day. If you don't have a handheld device to do that there's www.sparkpeople.com which I joined a while back. It's a free site for people losing weight and you can log in your food and exercise that you do. You can also let them set up a an exercise program for you and diet. It'll even give you a weekly shopping list for what you should buy so you have the foods you will need to eat daily.

I hope some if all help you out and best of luck. Your goal should be to be healthier not look better so people can stop laughing. Thinking that way will just keep you down.