More conversations.

The first thing I say is the second line.. the first is my Uncle. I think you can keep up with that said.

************************************

I was calling to ask if you wanted to come over for the Super Bowl on Sunday and watch it with me.
I don't watch professional football.
But I have a flat screen.
So?
I thought you could come watch it with me on the flat screen.
I don't watch professional football.
But you could still watch it with me on my flat screen television.
I'm really not interested.
Why, it's a flat screen?
I-DON'T-WATCH-PROFESSIONAL-FOOTBALL!
-yes, at this point I'm getting far more irritated than I was when I picked up the phone.-
Well you could come over and we could play games or something, I have a flat screen television.
No thank you.
But it'll be fun, you can see my flat screen.
It more than likely doesn't look any different than the ones I've seen in the past.
Does your brother have a flat screen television, I do.
No, my brother doesn't. Only because he doesn't buy things he doesn't need just because he has money. He buys things he needs before that. He does have a nice television though.
I bought my flat screen so I wouldn't have to buy the converter box. So now I have a flat screen.
-rubs my forehead- I get that you own a flat screen.
So are you coming over Sunday to see my flat screen?
Is every sentence you say going to have the words 'I have a flat screen' in it?
Well I do.
I get it.
So are you?
No.
Why, I have a flat screen.
Shut up!
Answer me, I have a flat screen.
-Lays phone on table, walks away shaking head still listening to a muted voice coming from the phone. Uses the bathroom, gets something to drink, turns on television, checks mail(nothing yet), pus glass on coffee table, clicks through channels until I find something to watch, walks back over to phone, picks up receiver...-
...you'd really like this flat screen television. The screen is awesome, it's flat. If you got right up to it you can still see the picture perfectly, it's awesome. I love my flat screen television...
How long before you pawn it so you can buy drugs?
I don't do fucking drugs! I don't know why everybody keeps saying that.
Because you do. I know you do.
If you're so smart why do you know.
Because people that are not on drugs don't try to convince people they are high class.
I don't have to convince people that. I have a flat screen. You should come see it.
See. Told you so.
So are you coming over to see my flat screen?
Is it really that important to you that you prove that you have something I don't?
It's not about that. It's an awesome television. It's thirty-two inches.
How about this.
What?
When you're flat screen is the size of my cousin's, I'll come over and drool over it.
How big of a flat screen does your cousin have? I have a thirty-two inch flat screen.
Seventy-two inches.
-click-
-Awe, he hung up on me. Puts receiver down, goes back to watch television.

Another conversation with the same person.

Before this one started I was sitting on the couch listening to whatever I had on the television, I don't remember what it was. I was reading a book. I heard a knock on the door, then the door bell rang, then knocked on the door again, and another door bell ring. I peeked through the window by the door and there stood my Uncle. I groaned I opened the door.

"Oh, you're awake."
"Have been for awhile."
"I just didn't know you were going to be awake or not, so I thought I'd knock harder so you could..."
"...I was awake. What do you want?"
"Can I come in?"
"I suppose."

I move to the side so he can come in.

"I was bored at home and thought I'd come over here."
"Where is your wife?"
"I left her at home, I am so sick of her."
"You're sick of your wife?"
"Yeah man, she's being so fucking bossy right now. Telling me all kinds of shit."
"It cannot be that bad."
"Yeah the fuck right. You don't have to listen to her."
"What is she saying?"
"She keeps telling me what I need to do."
"like?"
"She told me.. well.. she told me that I need to get a job."
scratches my head and looks at him. "You do need to get a job."
"I have a fucking job."
"Oh? Where?"
"I work. It's an easy job."
"Are you off today, then?"
"Yes. I was off yesterday, and tomorrow too."
"Awe. So why exactly did you migrate over here?"
"I'm trying to get a hold of my home boy, (name said won't say out loud). He lives in the apartments behind here."
"There's apartments behind this house?"
"Yeah."
"Where? The only apartment complex I know of is next to the church on the side of this house. Not behind me."
"Whatever. I came over here to call him."
"You cannot call him from your house?"
"No, my wife won't let me."

raises eyebrow.

"Fuck man; I need to get high."
"No you don't."
"Yes I do. You just don't understand."
"Guess I don't."
"You read too much."
"I do?"
"Yes, you do."
"Well then I guess I do. But I look at it this way. It's better to read a bunch then smoke pot in my grandfather's garage. Don't you think?"
"Whatever. I'm going to call my homeboy now."
"Whatever."

He calls him homeboy.

"...hey what can you get me for a 25$ gift certificate to Wal-Mart?"
silence.
"...that's it?"
silence.
"...but it's 25$."
silence
"...I understand."
silence.
"...when can you get it to me?"
silence.
"...oh no, I'm at my dad's, I'll pick it up."
silence.
"...just tell me when and where."
silence.
"...alright, call me back when you know. I'll wait here until I hear back."
He hangs up.

"Do you mind if I stay here for a little while?"
"Guess not. Because it sounds like I have no vote anyway."
He laughs.
I don't.
"I didn't think you'd mind a little company."
"I really didn't come here to have company."
"Why are you so cranky?"
"Why did you just buy drugs over the phone?"
"I didn't. I don't know what you're talking about."
"Dumb acts don't work well for you."
"I'm not acting dumb."
"Right."

The phone rings. He answers.
"...hello?"
silence.
"...hey dude. So did you get it?"
"...awesome. I'll be over in a couple minutes."
He hangs up.
"well I guess I'll talk to you later."
"You know where I'll be."
"It probably won't be today, though."
"I understand. Drugs calling."
"I'm not going to get drugs."
"Right."
"Whatever. Bye."

I go back to my book.

Love until later.